I AM BACK!

Hey Friends!

KimPossible is BACK! I know it has been a year since you have heard from me. I had to take a break from blogging for a while and regroup, reorganize my life. We all have a lot going on in our lives at times and sometimes you have to step back and really look at what you are doing. So, let's get this party started.

I miss ALL of you tremendously. You were my inspiration. My blog family for real!

I look forward to hearing from each and everyone of you.

KimPossible

FREE YOUR MIND FRIDAY: Keep Running In and Out Of His Life

FREE YOUR MIND FRIDAY

Join me and my special guest host, Rich from The Rich House, as we present our second collaboration

I hope you enjoy what we've cooked up.

Wonder twin powers ACTIVATE. 
Form of words. 
Shape of a blog.

FREE YOUR MIND FRIDAY

(click on the link)

Prayers That Keep It Real for: Children Whose Parents Are On Drugs

Prayers That Keep It Real for: Children Whose Parents Are On Drugs

 

Real Talk: One day you are bitter. The next day you are angry. And the next day you are confused. No matter what each day brings. Some how you have this bottomless love for your parent. You believe in them even when others have turned their back on them. You manage to always keep hope alive.

 

I don’t quite remember when you two split and called it quits. But, my heart is reminded of it everyday. Because your absence left a hole, gap, void, in my life. My family blamed you for not paying child support when I was younger and they thought you should go straight to jail without passing go. I didn’t realize then that your absence would affect me for the rest of my life.

 

I would only see you sporadically through out the year. But when I saw you it seemed as if we had seen each other everyday. I would embrace you with a big smile and arms out ready to hug your neck. Being in your arms made me feel secure. I had so much I wanted to update you on. However, I noticed as I began to talk with you, you were there but something else had control of you.

 

You would gaze into my eyes and sometimes be repetitive in your words to me. You would sniff all of the time and secretly ask me if I had any money. I would reach in my pocket and give you all of the change I had because I wanted you to be happy. Your eyes were weak with pain. Your soul was vacant and dark.

 

There were many nights when you were under the influence of drugs and alcohol. You would knock on my window in the middle of the night on a school night. It would be 1 or 2am in the morning. Sometimes you would cry like a baby and all you could say is you were sorry and that you loved me. I always wondered why you had to interrupt my sleep and get rowdy that early in the morning. Mommy would always threaten to call the police if you didn’t vacate the premises and eventually you would.

 

I turned 16 and I am now a young lady. You opened a checking account for me and I would put my entire check in the bank. Proud to save money in the account my father opened for me. After a few months I wanted to take mommy shopping because I wanted to give her something for once. I stuck my card in the ATM and it said “Insufficient Funds.”

 

My heart dropped and I became enraged. I woke up and realized that you had taken from your own daughter. You had issues and I was going to let you know. I had worked so hard for that money and you hadn’t given me anything all my life. But, yet you take from me? I couldn’t wrap my mind around how you could justify it.

 

My mother was terribly angry. It was the first time she had given me permission to tell you exactly what was on mind. Even if that entailed a curse word her and there.  I yelled at you to the top of my lungs and told you that I hated you.

 

I began to ask you questions like: “Where were you when I graduated from middle school?”, “Where were you when I had my first kiss?”, “Where were you when I was molested?”, “Where were you on ALL of my birthdays?”, “Where were you when I first had sex?” You looked at me with tears dripping down your face. You were intoxicated and all you could say was that you loved me. I told you I no longer wanted you to be apart of my life.

 

Time has passed. It is my graduation day and I look out in the audience and I see all of my friends and family. But, one person is missing and that’s you. I try to block you out of my mind, but I can’t. It saddened me to know that you had missed 17 wonderful years of my life and you couldn’t stay sober for the most important day of my life.

 

My conscious started eating me up. I started evaluating our family. It finally hit me. Daddy doesn’t know how to be a father because his dad was never there for him. Is this an excuse? No. But, it surely made sense. I started to open my heart again to you. I would ask myself what I would do if you were to die and I still had bitterness in my heart against you? That would eat me up. I embraced maturity and I called you and told you that I released you of everything you didn’t do for me. I prayed for you and told you that I believed in you.

 

It is “THE” biggest day of my life. I am getting married. Everyone is coming into town. We are having dinner, laughing, reminiscing, making sure everyone’s tux and dresses are all straight. And this familiar feeling overwhelms me. I am sitting in the room like most brides-to-be would. Waiting for the music to queue me on when to go out. And I realize, I am walking out alone.

 

I could have had my big brother walk me out. My uncles or other men in my life who were like father figures, but I wanted to do it alone. Because it was symbolic for me that although my natural father wasn’t there for me, my heavenly father was there waiting to walk with me down the isle as He had walked with me all of my life. To this day my family and friends say that they thought someone walked me down the isle. That was an angelic moment for me. I felt God’s presence surround me and it was as if He wrapped me in His arms and gave me a big hug. I cried like a baby.

 

Today, you have been free from drugs for a 1 ½ now. You relapsed this summer but now you are back on track. Daddy, I have nothing in my heart against you. It’s never to late to start over. I just wish you could terminate the guilt that is eating you alive on the inside. You have to move on. Your absence made me a stronger woman. Every pain, every tear, every void was filled by God’s pure love.

I now have a testimony. I can help other people like me. After all, that’s why God allowed me to go through all of that. So, that I could relate to others and keep it real. There are a lot of behavioral patterns I have because you weren’t there but I understand that this is something I will have to manage for the rest of my life. But, I’m good, I am strong and I love you.

 

Everyone deserves a second chance. I still believe in you and I hope you find true happiness and are able to get to the root, core, and source of your pain. You are a great man who took some wrong turns in life. Now you are in your lane going straight. Keep it moving! I love you.

COPYWRITTEN 2007

Prayers That Keep It Real for: People Who Have Second Offenses

Prayers That Keep It Real for: People Who Have Second Offenses

 

REAL TALK: If you sit and think about it, there are people that you don’t like or have issues with because one of your friends has issues with them. The person didn’t do a thing to you but yet you are carrying a second offense. You only heard one side of the story. What’s wrong with that picture?

 

God I was thinking about this one particular person in my life. They are not what I would consider a close friend of mine, but I do consider them to be a friend. I realized that I have had issues with this person because one of my other friends has an issue with him/her. I felt like if I didn’t treat her/him differently then there would be tension with me and my other friend. All of this is just too stupid and complicated. Lame and immature is what it is.

 

Okay, let me get this right. I am holding something in my heart against this person that I barely even know because of something my other friend said about him/her? I totally judged them based on someone else’s opinion. I am embarrassed that is so weak. I would not want anyone doing me that way. I could throw up just thinking about it.  So, I can only imagine how she/he feels every time they see me. I know they can feel the tension when they see me and my other friend.

 

Why am I mad? What is that all about? It’s time to let it go! I can’t take it anymore. What a miserable time this has been for me. All I had to do was be the bigger person, but instead I have been the weaker one. Well, I am not going to sit here and waste any more time on being offended with someone I shouldn’t be offended by. So, I am going to talk to my friend and then I am going to talk to him/her that I have the second offense with and I am getting this right tonight. I have got to be able to get a good night sleep and just let it go.

 

Thanks for listening God,

ME

COPYWRITTEN 2007

Prayers That Keep It Real for: Women Who Have Had Abortions

Prayers That Keep It Real for: Women Who Have Had Abortions

 

REAL TALK: You went through with it because you didn’t want others to find out. You already have too many children. You didn’t think you would be a good mom. You didn’t want to raise another child alone. You were struggling financially with your other children. It was a surprise to you. Or you just don’t want children right now. No matter what the reason was each of you have to want to have some type of dialogue with your unborn child.

 

My Dear Child,

Hey, it’s mommy! I am sitting here thinking of you.

Wondering what your hands would look like

Trying to figure out what part of you would have been like me

And what part would have been like your daddy

 

I cry every time I think of you

And a lot of times I can’t sleep at night

Because I feel like I cheated you out of your life

I feel like I gave up on you and did not give you a chance

 

Sometimes I wonder if what I am experiencing

Is because of what I did to you

I can remember when I first found out you were growing inside of me

I was so scared but I was happy too

 

Mommy was so confused

I didn’t know what I was doing

I remember thinking that I didn’t know you could love that deep

But before  I allowed myself to become attached to you

I cut it off before I could get hurt

 

I thought I was doing you a favor

Because I didn’t want you to grow up like me

I thought I was protecting you

This world was to cruel for someone as precious as you

 

Sometimes mommy wishes she was aborted

Because I wouldn’t have had to experience

The intense hurt and abuse when I was a child

The people that said they loved me were not very nice to me

 

I am trying to get it together

I am trying to forgive myself for what I did to them and you

But it is hard because I think about it every day

So, that is why I wanted to write you this poem

 

I figured if I asked you to forgive me then

Maybe some of this pressure would go away

Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy

But some how I continue to still hold on

 

Please forgive mommy

Would you?

I need you to forgive me

Because I wont be able to face myself if you don’t

I love you deeply and I can’t wait to see you

But sometimes I wonder if my soul is too dark

To make it to heaven with you

You have to pray for mommy

 

I am experiencing a heavy pain

Because of how I treated you

How could I love someone so much

And kill them at the same time?

 

I am dead inside

I need you to release me of my guilt

Or I am going to die a slow death inside

I am trying to get myself together

 

I am telling you this because

I know you will go and talk to God for me

Ask Him if you can be my angel child

I NEED YOU!

 

I know I took your life

And I am paying for it every day

My mind can’t find peace

I store day dreamed thoughts of you daily

 

I find comfort in thinking of you

Because I know no matter what I have done

You will always see me as “mommy”

And that makes me smile

 

The thought of you brings me so much joy

I wish I could touch you, Hold you and talk with you

Kiss you and laugh with you

Buy you ice cream and take you to school

 

I didn’t realize how much of a blessing

You would have been to me

Come and sleep with me tonight

We can have a pajama party

 

I just need to know that I am forgiven

And that you have forgiven me

Come and hold me
Because your touch can heal me

Love Mommy

COPYWRITTEN 2007 

8 Weird Things About KimPossible

8 Weird Things About KimPossible

I was tagged by my blogmate 30+. I love it! So, here you go 30+.  Thanks for the tag. :)

One: I take people watching to another level. I absolutely love it. It is some sort of soothing exercise for me. I enjoy watching people and figuring out what their lives are about behind their smiles, the way they are dressed and the way they carry themselves. I will have full-blown conversations with myself in my head if I am alone at the mall, restaurant, gas station, etc. I look at people and say “hmm, she looks depressed, they just got into an argument, their marriage isn’t working, etc. I guess that is why I am pursuing degree(s) in Psychology huh?

Two: I hate to hear someone biting his or her fingernails. It annoys me to no end. My husband and my brother both bite their fingernails. And then they spit the fingernail out. That is gross and rude. Is there something else constructive you could be doing besides biting your fingernails? Dang! Stop it!

Three: I have a shoe and purse fetish. It is pretty bad. They make the outfit! You have a hot pair of shoes and nice bag and it is ON! If I am walking in the grocery store, the mall, a restaurant, etc. I will stop a man or woman and proceed to tell them the maker of their shoes and purse. It is an addiction in which I am seeking help.

Four: This is definitely a weird one, but you asked for it and here you have it. LOL! KimPossible does not like anything that looks weird. I freak out. For example, a friend of mine had a rash and it was very gross looking. She wanted me to look at it and I couldn’t do it!  You know how when you go the doctor’s office they have this palette with bumps on it to show you the difference between measles and chicken pox? Stuff like that really freaks me out for some reason. I know, weird right? Gotta love me.

Five: I do not like to use public restrooms for several reasons it freaks me the heck out. The germs and the nasty stalls get under my skin. I have a very weak stomach. I will hold my urine until Jesus comes back. I know that is not good right? But, if I smell someone else’s poop or see it as I search which stall is best for me to sit,  I will DEF throw up. No lie, no exaggeration that is what I do. So, I avoid public restrooms at all cost.

Six: I have to go to sleep to noise. I go to sleep with the TV on low because for some reason it helps me to get off to sleep. I look at it like a book. Someone telling me a story and I tend to fall asleep. You wanted weird things, so here you have it. LOL! I have to wind down before I go to bed. I am one of those people who can’t just fall to sleep until I have downloaded from my day. I have tried to just sit there and process through my day but it never works. So, TV at night before I go to bed has become my pacifier. Lawd help me! LOL!

Seven: I love to walk around Target. I used to like to walk around Wal-Mart when I worked the night shift at HP because nothing else was open at my 12:00am lunch hour. Now, I have moved to Target. I love to walk through target. I literally go from department to department. I observe what’s on each aisle. It is so bad that one time my best friend and I walked into target and it was light outside. We went in the book section and started reading that Video Vixen book. We sat on the floor and read the entire book in the store?Needless to say it was dark when we left. What in the world? We obviously had nothing else to do that day. I think it is therapeutic for me. It is the one time I am not in a rush and I can enjoy the moment.

Eight: I love dating myself. I am married and my hubby takes me on dates all of the time. But, I like to date myself because I think this is very important in my life. It is my time to reconnect with me. I get dressed up like I am going out on a date. I go to any place of my choice i.e. movie, mall, concerts, gym, etc. I take pen and paper. Once a month I go to a hotel just me, myself and I. I sleep, eat, pray, workout, and it is a beautiful thing. I think it is so necessary to replenish yourself. I have adopted this habit for some years now and it works for me. It helps me to be refreshed for God, my husband, and my friends and family.

There you have it! LOL!  Am I weird or what? Okay, I tag the following people: MegaRich, SummerBreeze, AmenaBee, BK, The Walking Man, Fantasy Queen, Shelly P, Pia, Kawana Oliver and Ugo Daniels. Get ta writing! LOL! 

Free Your Mind Friday With Rich from The Rich House Blog and KimPossible

WARNING: This is a long post, however, we think it will make for some good conversation. So, hang in there with us. Rich from The RichHouse blog and myself KimPossible present to you, “Free Your Mind Friday!”

A lot of times, I think of things in terms of music, so doing this post made me think of two songs right off the bat.  Those songs are “Wait for Love” (Luther Vandross) and “Let’s Wait a While” (Janet Jackson).  Those songs lay the framework for the way it should be when dealing with the topic:     

Is a man/woman willing to wait for a Christian man or woman who is still a virgin/or practicing celibacy? 

The simple answer should be yes, if their mind is right.  Meaning, if that person shares a similar belief system they will be more inclined to wait and honor your position.  The other element that needs to exist is a positive esteem.  Otherwise, drama is likely to ensue. 

I have lived on both sides of the equation.  I have been involved with a virgin who wanted to wait when I didn’t, and I have been the Christian man trying to remain celibate when the female didn’t share the same sentiment.  There were lessons to learn in both instances.  Mainly lessons about me as a person at those particular times in my life with regard to my convictions and views on sex.    

Let’s break this down a bit and see if we can see things from a different vantage point.  In the formative stages of a relationship all types of things are happening – neurons are sparking feelings of grandeur, hormones are raging – waiting to be quelled with a touch, and imaginations are flying to and fro about the possibilities of where love will lead.  All of this happens, whether sex is enacted or not.  It’s a natural part of the mating process.  We have been created to respond to the opposite sex in kind, so it shouldn’t be a surprise when these feelings occur, although it doesn’t happen with everyone we meet.  The fact that these emotions do take place also shouldn’t necessitate the need to act upon them.  Yet, when placed in an environment where all seems right, we get offended, if even for a moment, when we are asked to forego relations because one of the parties would like to wait.  Sometimes we even take it personally, but this is what we should remember.  The desire to abstain -- listen to me carefully -- is not and should not be construed as a rejection of the other party.  “Don’t you love me?” or “I thought we had something here,” are common responses that follow when one of the parties feel like they have been shorted.  This is where positive self-esteem comes into play.  The person who is free of insecurities won’t take their perspective mates need for taking a higher road as meaning something is wrong with them.  We have to ask ourselves, are we mature enough and in control of our bodies enough to wait? 

Many single people talk of their desire to have a mate, when the truth is they really want sex.  Ask yourself.  If given the opportunity to date someone who is a virgin or celibate that is adamant about waiting until marriage, would you be willing to wait?  Does sex overweigh your desire for a quality mate? 

There are so many directions this conversation can be taken, but I think the fact that a person – Christian or not – wanting to wait is a beautiful thing.  That is the person who realizes that intimacy is a by-product of love and not the road that leads to love.  What do you think?   


Are you guilty of judging others that wanted to keep themselves? Are you sensitive to that topic with your friends? Do you look at people who wait as different or special? Are you the one who has waited? Maybe you can identify with the story below.  Rich and KimPossible wanted to let you in on the life of someone who has waited. Let’s free our minds together.

This story is based on a true story. A single friend of mine is experiencing this in her dating relationships. I added a little to her story but it is darn close. So, let me introduce her to you. She is a 27-year-old virgin; she has never experienced dating or kissed until after college. Yes, you heard me right.

 

So, my fellow bloggers, what does it take for a good virgin woman to find a man that appreciates that she has waited.  Peep this:

Scenario One: I went out on a date with a guy that I met at a jazz event. He was handsome and well put together. I was immediately attracted to him physically. We exchanged numbers and begin to talk on the phone and soon we began to hang out. He was 10 years older than me and his experience was way out of my league. One night we went out and had a great time. He moved in for the kiss and I became paralyzed. My hormones were racing and my panties were wet for sure. I was so tense and could not snap out of it. He immediately told me to relax but I couldn’t. I knew this could lead into somewhere I did not want it to go? I spill the beans and tell him that I had never kissed. He began to try to school me in this area and it seems cool to him that I am a virgin. In fact, he seemed bubbly about it. It almost seemed as if he was elated that he could potentially be the first to tap that.  As the relationship progressed he began to talk about marriage everyday and how he was ready to settle down and how he felt like I was his wife. He also asked me how did I feel about open relationships because he was dating someone else too. He became very possessive and wanted to know where I was at all times. He was beginning to be the daddy and he thought I was the child. Needless to say I had to let that go. I am not interested in a father; I already have one of those. Why is it that this dude was so excited that I was a virgin? That was a huge turn off for me. Can you calm down please? Is it true that men prey on women like myself because they get some type of gratification for being a virgin’s “FIRST?” Is that a power trip?

Scenario Two: I played myself with this dude. He and I have been long time friends. We have had secret crushes on each other ever since I met him. The only thing that has kept us from moving forward in a relationship is that he has always been in serious relationships with other women. We are both artists so we always find ourselves in the same circle. So, I see him everywhere and we flirt like crazy. His swagger, his artistry, his style, everything about him turns me on. I am attracted to him physically and mentally; he and I can talk about anything. He has now broken up with his girlfriend and he immediately started calling me everyday. He cooked me dinner at his house and we have went out on several dates. He text-messages me every morning telling me to have a great day. Dude knows me and he knows all of this is turning me on. He knows exactly what to say to me. He already knows I am a virgin and before he broke up with his girlfriend I would talk to him about it and how hard it is out here for me. He told me good luck because he did not know any men who would wait. He said as beautiful as I am no man would want to just date me. I told him that I had never kissed either. So, he said you mean to tell me that if someone wanted to date you they wouldn’t be able to kiss you? I said yeah, he was like you are crazy. But, I respect your decision. So, we start to hang out and he is all in my personal space and we touch. I was just about to invite him to the crib when he called me one day and said “Look, let’s just continue to be friends because I am dating two other girls and let’s not get too serious.” I was pissed and bothered. Dude, are you serious? So, you were trying to break me down to see if you could hit this right? Never will you try to break me. I am a good woman. I have a lot going for me. The crazy thing is that if he would have held his cards a little closer to his chest he just may have gotten his wish because I have liked him for a very long time. He pushed all of the right buttons for me. He lured me to sleep with his chivalry and I was definitely about to lose my virginity with him.

Scenario Three: I was dating a guy who had a lot more experience than me. I was 26 when we met and he was 35. He was a well-groomed and mature individual. He was the perfect man for me. We enjoyed each other’s company. He was artsy and creative. Our dates were never dull. He took initiative and he always kept the spark going. I told him that I was virgin as I realized I was falling in love with him. He didn’t budge. It didn’t faze him at all. He informed me that he was ready to settle down and he had waited for a woman like me.  He was clearly at a point in his life where he was ready to settle down. He was so patient with me. He never tried to kiss me and he respected my space when we went out. He never once made a move on me. I thought it was too good to be true. But he was consistent with me. We had known each other for quite some time before we began to date. So, I had a chance to observe his character from afar. He was definitely everything I wanted in a man, but there were a few deal breakers that kept me from taking our relationship further. I feel so crazy right now. Here I am dating men who are only interested in getting in my jeans and now I finally find the right one. I am frustrated and beginning to hate the dating scene. It is too tricky, risky, unsure, and there are definitely no promises. I am happy being single because I have a lot going for me. However, I do want to be married. It is something that I have tucked away in my heart and pushed aside so that my life wouldn’t be put on pause. But, now I compare all of my relationships to this dude I let go. Now, I am at a place where I am on the dating scene but I am always forced to come to a serious halt because none of the men I date are willing to wait like this dude was.

 

I am so frustrated. I need some answers.

 

1.   Why is it that once you tell a man you are a virgin he starts to drool and it is a power struggle for him? Or what is it?

2.   Why is that once a man knows that you are virgin he has to play the teacher or daddy role? Can we just go with the flow? Why do you have to teach me? Why are you so possessive? Why do you want to know where I am at all times? Especially, when you are dating someone else. I don’t owe your ASH anything!

3.   Why is it that there is always one dude who steals your heart? Why did I engage in a relationship with the cat when I knew he was all about game? Why is it that I like the bad boys? If he liked me like he said he did, why couldn’t he wait? Are you dating these other women because you are getting free stuff? And you want to just be with me because you are infatuated with me? I am confused? Why call me everyday, and text me, cook for me and take me out. Why not just go and screw the other girls?

4.   What are the rules? Where is the manual? Am I hoping against hope? What is the protocol for a beautiful, virgin woman like myself in dating? Is there a certain type of guy I am limited to in dating? Why am I being penalized for my personal convictions? Am I asking for the impossible? Is it that hard to date a virgin? Am I getting too emotionally involved with these dudes? Am I playing with fire by flirting and engaging in these relationships?

5.   Did I fall for my prince charming because he accepted me?