The Mama Prayer
My heart is drenched with agony. I am frantically grieving. My soul is overwhelmed and I can’t breath. My mind is in pursuit of peace. My spirit is crushed. My best friend, my mother escaped from me today. I can’t grasp the reality of her death.
I got the call and the news crippled me. My mind went crazy, haywire, insane, irrational, psycho. The bitter cup was hard to swallow. I wallowed in my misery and my mother’s memories tortured me. I have survived a lot of things in life but this burden, weight, load, is too much for me.
I release myself to death. I want to expire. I want to terminate myself. Then I would be the cause of more heartache for my family. I can’t suppress this cloud that is over me. It has invaded my privacy and taken over. My comprehension of my mother’s death is scattered. I am trying to pick up the pieces but it still doesn’t quite make sense.
I just spoke with her the other day. I try to capture her words, her laugh, and hugs in my mind because I don’t ever want to misplace them. I am bothered, perturbed, troubled by hear death. I have arrested my thoughts and committed them to an institution. I need to sit on someone’s couch and talk about this.
I am in constant conflict with my thoughts. The woman who brought me to this earth is now gone. I am alone, by myself, on my own. I predict that this excruciating mourning is never going to go away. It will haunt me every day of my life.
God, man, you have to help me. I’m losing my balance. Comfort, soothe, calm, and relieve me. Hug me. Kiss me. Hold me. Touch me. Strengthen me. Make me secure again. I feel vulnerable, susceptible, and weak. I am inclined to lose my mind. Bring me back to a place of safety.
COPYWRITTEN 2007
14 comments:
Thanks for the comment on my blog. Your words were an blessing to me.
That is a powerful prayer! I haven't lost my mom but I lost my grandmother this summer and I did feel like part of me wanted to expire.
Jeff Lee,
Your words were a blessing to me too. Thanks for sharing and for always dropping by.
Keep in touch.
KimPossible
Princess Dominique,
I know...I have lost four grandparents. I was MESSED up. Fortunately, I still have my mother, but I KNOW what Kanye is going through. Me and ALL four of my grandparents were close so that was a hard thing to deal with. I can't imagine my mother not being here.
Thanks for dropping by. Keep in touch!
KimPossible
Can anyone tell me how to make the pictures I put in my post stay? For some reason they keep disappearing. LOL!
HELLLPPP!!!
KimPossible
OMG...thats so touching. i loved the prayer and i just kept it for me...not my mom, Godforbid, i know i wouldnt function without her.
i lost my dad and the way i felt was terrible, i was numb, like u said i actually arrested my feelings and thots in an institution. it took me three years to realise what was what, thats when i let it all out, the crying and all.
most times i close my eyes and try to grasp the idea of him, but it seems like his fading away, his scent, his eyes...but then i could never miss his smile cos i sort of see it in me.
so this is about kanye and i'm makin it about me...i'm so sorry. hope he finds the strenght to climb this mountain...nothing beats the love of a mother, her hug melts the thickest of ice in seconds, and to imagine a life without that warmt...not a nice thot.
Fantasy Queen,
You just touched my heart for real. That is EXACTLY what I wrote these poems for. It was for Kanye, but it is one anyone who has lost someone close can relate to.
I am glad that you benefited from it. I am sorry to hear about your father. I hope every time you think of him you remember this poem.
Thanks for always dropping by. My blog spot loves your presence. Have a good day chica!
KimPossible
That's so sweet of you. Hope he reads this ;)
i can't imagine what kanye and others who have lost their moms must feel. the friend i posted about was the closest person i've lost in terms of heart-to-heart connections. though i lost my maternal grandparents, we were not close. i was 4 when granddad died and my grandma had alzheimer's most of the time i knew her.
i can't imagine that kind of void.
i think it's a neat perspective that you're bringing to the blogosphere.
have you always written PTKIR or is this a new blog-inspired writing venture?
*sweetdaysofsummer.typepad.com*
I have recently suffered a loss in my family, a one year old baby. You can read about it on my blogs. The entries titled: "Past Demons" "Sleepless Night" "The Heaviest Weight".
Just want you to know that I always check in but usually you've said it all so I don't have comments. Great blog Kim.
- Ugo: I know, I hope he reads this too. Not sure how that will happen. But, anything is possible. That is my goal to one day get these in their hands.
- Summer Breeze: Thank you so much. Yes, I have written Prayers That Keep It Real for about six or seven years now. And I am just now putting them in a blog. Hoping that Kanye and others can get them in their hand and it encourage them. Yes, I can't imagine not having my mother around either.
- Jeff Lee: I will definitely be at your blog spot to read those pass blogs. When you have someone close to you die. It is hard to recover...but then you do manage to get through it with A LOT of God's help.
- Sister P: Girl, thanks for always dropping by.
KimPossible
Great poem. For some reason I felt his pain when his mother died and I don't usually grieve for others in that manner.
As for your pictures. If you are using the blogger icons to import them, they should stay. If you are trying to copy/paste that is where you are going wrong. Hope that helps.
Mega Rich,
My blog buddy, how are you? I miss your face in the place. Yes, I felt his pain too. I am glad you liked the blog.
Okay, you are going to have to help grandma out baby. LOL! What is the blog icon?
Hit me up! Glad to see you alive and well in cyber blog. :)
KimPossible
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